


Not Another Ghost

by Jackb



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Episode: s04e13 United, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pining, dumb title that find meaning in the story, more pre-slash than slash, sweet moment, very little canon-divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-02-29 21:53:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18786958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackb/pseuds/Jackb
Summary: There’s only one way to sort this situation, Archer has to die. But when Archer stop fighting during the ritual combat, Shran just can’t resolve to kill him.





	Not Another Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> I want to say a big thank you to Thylekshran on tumblr to have autorised me to use his idea for this story, I will forever be grateful, as I had so much pleasure to write this :) 
> 
> Here the idea this story is based on : « Can you IMAGINE if instead of Archer winning the Ushaan, he wouldn’t fight back and Shran had to accept within himself that he loved Archer more than Andorian tradition? That these violent responses to the world around him were from trauma and pain and he didn’t want to do it anymore? » (https://thylekshran.tumblr.com/post/184697407189)
> 
> Also, please, know that english is not my first language, I apologize for any mistake and weird sentences construction. If you see anything terrible and awful, please tell me, I will correct it immediatly.
> 
> That would be all, good reading ;)

Making friends in space wasn’t an easy thing to do. Between the cultural difference, the rivalry for the same resources or opportunity and your orders. Building trust was pretty complicated. Andorian needed allies, the Generals and Admirals on the planet could say whatever they wanted Shran knew the reality and he knew they needed allies. So for many years he had tried to form any, if not good at least neutral, relation status with others. And Shran was pretty content of what he and Archer had achieved for the moment, it was promising. Well, had been promising. Diplomats might find a way to soothe the relationship between Human and Andorian after that, but really, Humans would probably just become another enemy, they were already allied with the Vulcan and killing the captain of the only ship they had yet deployed wasn’t a great way to create a new alliance.

 

A knock on the door caught Shran’s attention, he didn’t stop sharpening his Ushaan-Tor but glared at his officer.

 

« It will start soon. » She said.

« I will be in time. »

  


The door closed and he focused back on his weapon, trying to find comfort in the gesture to sharpen it, the same one he had been doing so many times over the years. He had seen and survived a lot at the side of his Ushaan-Tor, and it just reminded him how he would survive and endure this day, like any others, as he has done so many times before.

Archer decision was honorable, and he could respect that. He had made sure they understood what this ritual combat was about, where it would end. Yet they didn’t change their mind, if anything it has reinforced Archer decision to be the substitute for the Tellarite. It didn’t make much sense for him. Why Archer would sacrifice himself for Tellarite, damage their own side, as humans would lose a good captain and put in peril the relationship between their two species, for something that didn’t concern him in the first place ?

If anything, all he had asked was for a ground to fight. The conflict between Andorian and Tellarite had nothing to do with Human. They could have stayed neutral. But no, Archer had to get involved in this, brushing the fact they both wished an alliance between their two species. Yes but if Archer really wanted it, he would back off, because he wasn’t. He couldn’t, traditions were traditions, even with the dread and guilt of having to kill a friend. His hands were tied, not Jon’s, he could back off with no dishonor, but he had seen the look on Archer’s face, he wouldn’t withdraw, Shran knew he wouldn’t.

 

Tellarite had him pretty miserable, he would revenge his lost crew members and wouldn’t be able to enjoy the victory as he would mourn another friend today.

 

He sighed. It was time.

 

\- - -

 

If Andorian had very subtle expressions, their voice still shown their emotions pretty well. And it was blatantly clear that Shran was not pleased by the situation. His voice was calm, friendly, determined but also a bit depressed. And above the stress and adrenaline of the situation Archer could feel a pinch of guilt takes his heart. He was forcing Shran to kill him, forcing more blood, death and pain on him. But he had set his mind. He had a mission and from day one he had been ready to die for it, to protect this ideal, if he had to die from Shran’s hand, so be it. At least he was fulfilling his duty by protecting Starfleet’s main mission.

 

The pull on his gauntlet was rough, calling him back to order just after a last brag. He stared at Shran with a determined look and hoped to look menacing enough. They had found nothing, no loophole to sort this combat out with both parts alive. They’ve just run out of time and the only way for them to deal with this situation and have the ending they wanted was for him to die. Until this last minute he had prepared for it. Andorian were not known for making things last more than necessary, Shran would be more likely to strike fast and deadly, and his job would be to make it last a bit before.. His end. This way, his death would be a bit more glorious or less ridiculous, or maybe it was just for the show, Archer didn’t really care, he was going to his death here, the rest was insignificant.

He took a quick deep inspiration and locked his eyes with Shran’s. It rattled him, beyond the concentration, they screamed for it to stop. Yet Shran raised his weapon, bringing back Archer’s attention to the fight that was about to begin.

 

And indeed, the Andorian reached for a quick end, going right for the throat, Archer avoided the strike from little. Taking a large step back and taking Shran with him by their join gauntlet. The reality of this situation hit him a second time. He was not going to be able to play this fight, watch his friend kill him was too painful, he just wanted it to be over so he hadn’t had to watch Shran’s pain anymore, nor to make his coming death wait longer, as fear took his guts. By reflexes he protected from the second hit, their Ushaan-Tor didn’t even touch, Shran just avoided it and was back for a third hit in no time, he pulled the chain joining them to bring Archer closer and the captain could only close his eyes waiting for metal to tear his flesh apart. He should have made it last longer but hell, if he had to die today, the least was to decide when.

 

The tearing never came, he opened his eyes just to see anger and confusion on Shran’s face. His Ushaan-Tor was nearly touching him, he had stopped right in time. A violent coup on his chest cut his breath. Archer had never received anything this strong before. It sends him way backward but Shran kept him in place. And tried to make him refocus with a quick pull on the chain.

 

Shran was puzzled. What was Archer doing ? Even without quite knowing how to fight in this condition or with this weapon, nobody would be this pathetically bad. He had seen Archer fight, he was not an incapable. It’s like he asked for death. And maybe it was the case, Shran realized. Depending on how Starfleet would answer to Archer’s death, it didn’t necessarily mean hostility between their two species. So what ? Archer was a sacrifice and he was the murderer ?

Because it was hard to call it otherwise. Archer was offering his life for peace, and he was the bad guy in the story. Fulfilling a ritual he didn’t want to participate in anymore, at first yes, but since Archer had decided to be his opponent, the traditions he had been proud of all his life were now just a burden on his shoulder. He at least hoped that Archer would offer him a fight, something that would justify killing him, but this was meaningless.

 

He kicked again with all his strength which brought Archer to one knee. He was breathing hard, groaning in pain.

 

« This is not a game, fight ! » He roared, pulling on the chain again to bring Archer on his two feet again. Then he turned around him, pacing menacingly, waiting for the pinkskin to attack.

 

Archer shared a glare with T’Pol, her eyes screamed for him to hold up and fight, but she quickly understood he couldn’t, he just wanted to welcome death and with a very slight nob she gave him the permission. No need to make it last longer. He dropped his weapons. Another pull on the chain made him focus on Shran again, more anger, more confusion, more pain. It broke Jonathan heart.

 

« We can give you a lighter Ushaan-Tor, if this one is too heavy. » He said, with a composed voice, a quick nod to one of his officers and one approached with another weapon. He placed it in Archer’s hand before getting back to his previous position and indeed this Ushaan-Tor was way lighter than the first one. But Archer let it drop too.

« Oops. » He mumbled with a provocative tone. He saw Shran’s jaw twitch and clench hard, his expression hardened.

« You want it that way, huh ? Fine, have it your way ! »

  


Shran’s fist crashed on Archer’s face, the weapon was still in his hand, just not in a position allowing harm from it. It wasn’t needed. The captain took two steps back but was pulled again to receive a knee kick in the stomach.

Archer had received plenty to punches and kicks from Shran before, they had been rough, but they were nothing compared to what he had just received. Andorian were strong, way stronger than he thought. He groaned and spit from the hit before he fell on his knees to cough, the sharp pain made it near impossible to focus on something else, it was excruciating. As he took his breath back, he did not bother to get up despite Shran waiting for him. This was getting ridiculous, couldn’t Shran just finish him ?

How many people had he killed ? How many fights had he fought ? He was sick of it. What was the point if it leads to that ? He loved traditions, they were a cement that brought unity among Andorians, but right now, what did it bring ? If anything, not unity, not peace, not revenge, not honor, nothing valuable, nothing that brought healing upon his or upon his own soul. Pointless, meaningless.

 

« Why won’t you fight ! » He roared.

 

When he got no answer but a breath he caught Archer uniform and brought him back to his feet.

 

« I thought you were here to fight. » He asked with a calmer voice, still full of resentment but softer. Archer locked his eyes with him.

« I thought you were. » He said back with what could look like a grin.

 

Shran frowned in disbelief and released him, he held the chain straight and with a fast, heavy hit he split it in two. The second after, he launched his Ushaan-Tor right in the Tellarite that killed Talas. It landed few centimeters from his head. The blade was nearly completely shove in the wall, showing how strong the launch had been. The Tellarite quivered and shared a quick glare with Shran. If the Andorian had really wanted him dead, he would be. Shran was experimented enough not to miss a throw at this distance.

Then without glancing at anybody he walked out of the room.

 

« There’s no meaning in killing someone who doesn’t fight back, the ritual combat is over. »

 

Now he knew it was not quite true, no matter if your opponent fought back or not, you were supposed to kill him, he should have been able to kill him. He just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Too much death already, too many people he cared about had died, so many blood everywhere as far as he could remember. It followed him at night and he had already too many insomnia he didn’t want to add another ghost to the list to torment him.

Nobody followed him in the corridor and he was grateful. He didn’t want to talk right now, he just wanted to sink in the relief that Archer was alive and the guilt not to have finished the ritual combat, sort it out, compose himself, find some sense.

 

He entered the room that had been assigned to him for his short time on the Enterprise and as soon the door was closed he dropped on the floor, a breath of relief washing everything away. Nobody had died. He wouldn’t have minded for the Tellarite, if only he had agreed to fight, but at least he was alive and most importantly Archer was.

 

His hands rubbed his forehead and skull with strength, whiles his antennas bent low, like his head. Tears fell fast but he didn’t make any noise. Why had he nearly killed someone he cared about for the sake of tradition ? Why was he forced to do that for the sake of tradition ? He never wanted that, if anything he had wanted to build a better and stronger relationship with Archer. If it was not for the order, he wouldn’t have much problem to swallow his pride and make more peace effort with Vulcan and Tellarite, just because Archer wanted to be friends with all of them. He wanted to pass more time around the human talking about a future together for both of their species. He wanted to fight at his side, not against him.

 

He let the emotions slide out and nobody bothered him during that time. Only an officer checked on him later as he was tipping his report for his superior. It also gave him a hint of what the fight had looked like. The lack of will to fight from Archer was deemed insulting and the unfulfilling of the combat was blamed on the Human side as he had not honored it by refusing to fight.

 

Barely two hours after this mess, he heard a knock on his door, he invited the visitor to enter, it was Archer, he had a cheerful smile on his face.

 

« You didn’t even came to visit me while I was in the infirmary. »

« I didn’t think my presence would be welcomed. »

« On the contrary, I was worried. » Archer’s words surprised Shran.

« Sorry, I was busy trying to find a way to explain this mess to my superior. »

« Oh ! Want some help ? »

« I’m fine, besides what makes you think you could help me ? » Their tones were light and playful, Shran had not expected that but welcomed it nonetheless.

« You would be surprised. »

  


Archer held out two glasses and a bottle, of what Shran judged to be human alcohol.

 

« Really ? I’m sure I’ve filled more reports than you, I’ve been serving for longer and I’m older. »

« Maybe, but the human touch is really something. » Shran chuckled at that. « Anyway, are you going to invite me to sit or should I just do like home ? »

« By all means. » Shran gestured toward a chair and Archer installed on it. « Besides that’s your ship, you don’t really have to ask. » It’s Archer that chuckled this time.

« Maybe. » He shook the bottle in front of them. « Care to share a drink ? »

 

Shran lowered his head.

 

« Not really. »

« Why not ? Me being still alive is not worth celebration ? » Archer said playfully and falsely shocked.

« I want to apologize. »

« For what ? Me being alive ? Don’t worry, I’m absolutely fine staying that way. »

« You know why. » Archer expression became a bit more serious.

« It’s okay, I get it. You didn’t have a choice. » Shran did not answer back immediately.

« How are you ? »

« I’m fine, you left me bruised and sore, it will take weeks to heal fully, but well you already left me in this state the first time we met, so I’m used. »

« Well, you will remember me for next few weeks. »

« It’s not like I need bruises to remember you. » Archer didn’t see Shran’s antennas twitch at his words as he poured them two glasses, pushing one toward Shran, before taking his chair a bit closer to him, they were not that close, but closer than their usual meeting. « Come on. » The captain invited by shaking his glass.

 

Shran took his, knocked Archer’s and they both drank a bit. Shran looked on the side, head still bent, he didn’t want to lock his eyes with the human and his stance was pretty depressed. Archer sat back in his chair and enjoyed his bourbon, waiting for Shran.

 

« It’s not how I wanted the things to go. It was not supposed to be that way. »

« I know. » Archer said. Shran turned to him.

« I’m glad you’re alive ! » At the end of his sentence, he focused on anything but the human,

« I’m glad too. »

Then, once again he looked back at him. « You’re my friend, I’ve lost too many of them already, I’m sick of it. » He drank the rest of his glass in one go and pushed it on the table. « Don’t ever do that again ! » He paused, his expression was firm and serious and Archer couldn’t escape his glare. « I can’t take it. » His eyes dropped on the table as he pronunced the words and his antennas twitched a bit backward.

 

Shran knew he was sharing too much, but Archer wouldn’t mock him nor use it against him, he was not like that. It was safe.

 

« I’m sorry I’ve forced you through it. » Jonathan said.

« You don’t have to apologize, I do. I’m sorry for putting you into this. »

« I’ve chosen it. »

 

Shran shook his head, they paused for a moment, letting the words sink and enjoying each other presence. There was something natural between them.

 

« Anyway, I’ve covered myself with ridicule. » Archer said a bit after on a lighter tone, changing subject. « Do you think I’ve just ruined the first impression any Andorians will have of me in the future ? Like, they will just remember the guy who didn’t fight during a Ushaan at the second they hear my name ? »

 

His concern, not that Archer seemed really that preoccupied by it, was laughable. Shran broke a small smile.

 

« Don’t worry, I will make sure people remember what you did for us at P’Jem more than the Ushaan. And if they talk about it, I will tell them to remember how brave you were to sacrifice yourself for a hypothetical future, just because you believed it was possible and thought it deserved to be protected by your life. »

« Said like that it sound pretty glorious indeed. » They laughed, but it was sincere.

Again they paused a moment, Shran served them another drink.

« How do you cope with the loss of Talas ? » Archer asked, his eyes focusing on the amber beverage.

« Don’t worry, I’ve lost more in worst condition. »

« What do you mean ? » Jon asked with concern.

« Nothing, don’t mind it. »

 

Shran’s hand reached for Archer’s. He took it and gently squeezed it. Jonathan didn’t withdraw, if anything he encouraged the touch, letting Shran’s fingers run on his skin. It was slow, soft and delicate as if Shran tried to catch every detail. They stopped at his wrist and stroked the visible veins. The Andorian was deeply focused on the task and he almost jumped when Jon talked.

 

« Hey, I’m alive ! » He reassured. Shran looked at him then back at their hands, he seized Jon’s in his and brought it to his face. Archer thought he would kiss it, but no.

« Yes, you are. »

  


His hand was deeply warm, it startled Jonathan, but not as much as Shran’s voice.

 

« I wish to never fight against you ever again. » It was a wish, but it sounded like a promise.

 

Just like earlier a pinch of guilt ran in Archer. He closed more distance between them to the point their legs were touching. The contact was welcomed on both side and the silent that took place was comfortable and healing. They didn’t need any more words. After a moment, Jonathan repositioned their hands and lead Shran’s hand toward his face until he was capable of kissing the blue skin. During the whole process he held the Andorian stare and didn’t miss a bit of his reaction when his lips touched him.

Above a light layer for fear, there was surprise and confusion. He slightly twitched and his antennas wiggled in his direction. Then he relaxed just a bit in the attention, his expression changed to show deep affection. It hit Archer way harder than he would have expected, it was his turn to be genuinely surprised. He had never seen such an emotion on the Andorian face and he was drawn to it. A gentle squeeze on his hand brought him back and he smiled.

 

None of them crossed the invisible line, too many doubts held them back. Yet they knew that if it did now, one day, it wouldn’t anymore and the unspoken between them would be spoken.

 

** End. **

**Author's Note:**

> oH ! I think it's important that I add this, since this OS does not develop on it, Shran does not wash over the death of Talas, he is deeply hurt by it and mourn her. but when he says he lived worse, it come from one of my hc where he lost all of his partners at once when he was way younger and it took him years to even consider having something with someone else (Talas (and others)) He knows what it's like to lose people he deeply love and he know he will manage despite the pain.  
> Don't read it as the fact he didn't care about Talas at all, it's not the idea I wanted to share and I realize I might have done it poorly in the story.


End file.
